Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Dancing In The Rain

This morning I woke up to such a lovely message from one of the girls who I went to school with. She had found this quote on the internet and had thought of me. This is so lovely in itself but I have been having a really hard week with chemo, last week was the worst chemo yet.

I actually chucked my guts up from it which has never happened before. It's rather impressive when you consider that in hospital I have a pump which injects 2 different anti-nausea drugs into my arm, I also take an aprepitant, multiple steroids and about 5 form of oral tablets to try to keep the nausea at bay and it has worked until this time. 

I also have been given a sort of rough end date. If everything goes to plan I should be done with all of this by early August. However apart from feeling glum because I have been feeling so sick and missing my brother and dad (they have been skiing in the US of A for 10 days) I have been feeling kinda irritated.

It took me a while to work out why I have been so but I figured it was down to the fact that I just want to be over now. I have really had enough of feeling sick and not having enough energy to walk anywhere or do anything. I just wanted it to be done now. In short, I think I hit a five month wall. I have done five months but I still have another seven to go. 

This quote that I was shown was:

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... 
It's about learning how to dance in the rain" 
-Vivian Greene

This is so true and it actually made me think about my irateness and I have now finally come to the conclusion that it is stupid to waste my time being irritated. I can't change the fact that there is still another seven months. Moaning and groaning about how long I have left will just put me in a bad mood.

I am in the middle of the biggest hurricane of my life, it's trying battering me every which way. I can hardly walk but I am doing everything I can with a smile because who cares. In the end the storm will pass, so for now I am just going to do my utmost best to be the most obnoxious dancer in the rain.

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