Sunday, 26 May 2013

A Living Grenade

Grenades are completely harmless until somebody pulls the pin. Once the pin is pulled they cause nothing but pain and sadness. I walk around knowing that at some point soon, the pin is going to drop and all who are near to me will be hurt.

Yet knowing this, I still choose to live and walk around, drawing more people nearer. This is perhaps the most selfish thing I can do yet I still do it. When people ask me if I am scared of dying I can honestly reply not really, I am more worried about what it will do to those whom I love.

However, I am not a inanimate object like a grenade, I am a particular brand of destruction more like a venus fly trap. Those who care for me most will be those who will hurt. Even the unlucky passer by may be drawn in simply to be hurt.

I am struggling with this at the moment. I am at a stage in my life where I meet new people all of the time and it's hard because although I really want to get to know them, it sometimes scares me because by befriending them I am knowingly going to hurt them.

My friends say they would rather have me in their life and get hurt than to not have me at all but how do I make that call? How do I decide if it's worth being my friend to outweigh the hurt and sadness they will have to face.

My friend Sarah showed me this quote from a lady that was dying of cancer. When this lady was asked "what's it like to be dying?" and her response is "what's it like pretending your not?" I guess in life we are all going to hurt people whether we mean to or not. I may be a live grenade but so is everyone.

I can't do anything to stop the hurt I am going to inflict but I am sorry.

So very sorry.


  1. Hello beautiful girl,
    I do believe your friends are right...your friendship will far outweigh any hurt or sadness they may face, and being part of your life will make their lives richer and also make them stronger people. You probably don't realise how many people you have most likely helped already - and you will continue to do so. So keep making new friends, and keep sharing your amazing strength & wisdom on this blog when you can. You are a gift to your friends & family - and to all of us who haven't even met you. xxx

  2. Harriet!!! After you mentioned about your blog tonight at the 40hr famine meeting, I decided to find your blog and have a read....Ive read through all of it and I just wanted to say....You are a remarkable and beautiful person, and have a real talent for writing!! It is such a blessing and privilege to 'flat' with you!!! haha

    Love Cass!!