Friday, 9 September 2011

All I Want For Christmas Is To Be Normal

The Hickman Line is a go! It is such a strange thing. I have had two cuts made. One is where the dangly bits come out. The suregon was actually awesome so there is no chance that it's going to be showing at either ball! I will like a look normal 18 year old. I really wish I was normal.... Though this means that I had a room of people looking at me topless for well over an hour...

The other slit is on the right side of my body and its just above the "clavicle." I was actually so impressed, my year 11 PE came in handy today!! I know what a clavicle is!!! I felt pretty smart when I didn't need him to explain what it was.

It's painful but strangely not where the dangly bits hang out but on the other side but its ok if i restrict movement of my upper body, so I was thinking mum and dad, its a bit too hard for me to do chores at the moment...

My family have actually been awesome throughout all of this. My brother is a little miffed still at how he only got one day of glory over the fact he tore his median nerve and tendon in my hand as I got told that it was likely I had cancer the next day... So sorry, better luck next time bro.

My mum was waiting for me after my surgery. Once I had come to back from the general (sort of) they wheeled me to see her, she was sooo happy to see me!! But then they had to start checking the incisions and all of a sudden she feels nauseated. So of course, being my mother she jumps onto my bed and is suddenly the patient. The nurse is fretting over her wanting to take her blood pressure.

That's the thing for me, I have to laugh at all this. I think I have developed a really black sort of humor but this is necessary because otherwise the only other thing I could do is cry because life is so unfair.

As soon as it was announced that the Rugby World Cup was going to be in New Zealand and I realized I was going to be 18, I have dreamed about it! When the tickets came out Dad brought 2 tickets to every game so my brother and I could go to about half each. I am a born and bred kiwi. I love my rugby. After the last rugby world cup I was soo disappointed I could not bring myself to watch another game for months. 

When I was watching the opening ceremony, originally I had planned on watching it with my friends in town. I had surgery today so I just watched it at home with my parents. As the opening ceremony was going on I realized I might not even be lucid enough to watch the final live on tv and I almost cried with the unfairness of it.

The thing you need to know about me is I don't cry. I have only cried twice because of this. Once was to my friend out of share frustration at the fact my parents would not tell me what was going on and the other time was to my dean.

My dean is one of the most amazing woman alive. She is strong and hilariously funny. All girls who have ever been in year 13 at QMC for the past years will understand. This woman is a living legend. She is wise, kind, understanding and listens to your point of view no matter what.

However, on the day I found out I decided to go back to school for the afternoon. As i was walking to Hobby (my common room) and I saw her and all the feelings racing round me resulted in tears leaking from my eyes without my permission. That was two weeks ago.

But I really hate this, I hate the fact I have to be strong. I hate that this is thrust on me. I have the unfairness of it.

So my wish list has now changed... I no longer wish for a perfect life. I wish for a normal one. Is that too much to ask?

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