Sunday, 27 November 2011

The Ridiculously Happy

As the title may point out, I am ridiculously happy!! I have now been out of hospital for eight days!! This is  the longest time I have been out of hospital since I started chemo!!! I have managed to have the most amazing week seeing my friends and just feeling normal. 

I never have thought that such little things could give me such pleasure. I am not a religious person but I feel like I should thank someone because I am so happy. I look at my bed (where the quilt is that the Hobbits made me) and I smile. Life is odd like that, it hands you something downright awful and all you can do is smile at the good. 

Today I had breakfast with my brother and my friend Toby. This might sound a little odd but my brother is a really cool cat. I have always been friends with him ever since I was little and so now since I am sick he drives me around everywhere. We then went trying to do some christmas shopping!!

I then went to a movie with the lovely Pam (who was my nanny for many years), my mother and my grandmother! It was an interesting movie about this choreographer called Pina and her dance troupe. 

I then went to Pan's house and watched him get dressed up in the beautiful Scots prefect uniform which left me howling on the floor. I suggest if anyone is feeling down they should watch their boyfriend dress up in a kilt. 

I then went to dinner with some good friends which is always a lovely experience. So as you can see life out of hospital is not a bad one. I am seriously and utterly ridiculously happy. 

Life is good. I wish everyone shared this thought.

Monday, 21 November 2011

The Norm

My mother constantly tells me I really should update this and I should. Sorry for being rather useless. The thing is when I go to write on my blog I normally have some sort of reason for updating it, something new has happened or something has changed.

At first it was really easy to update this because everything was so new and so different from what I was used to but in some ways living like this - 3 weeks in hospital, the "two weeks out"has become my norm. I say "two weeks out" because every time I have meant to have these two weeks out I have actually ended up going back in for at least one of them.

What was not normal is I got to meet Piri Weepu and Cory Jane (if you don't know who they are, you should) came to visit me!!! :D This was VERY exciting, I wish I had actually been more with it though because I can't actually really remember many of the specifics of what we actually talked about...

I have now finished all of my pre operation chemo!! This is a very YAY! moment because in my treatment I have three steps:

1. Pre op chemo
2. The operation.. DUN DUN DUN
3. Post op chemo

So once I have the surgery its like I am half way there, even if I still have 6-9 months more chemo!!

And Jannie is over from Germany. Jannie is like my surrogate aunt, she is one of mum's best friends and she has sort of been there all my life so it's been amazing spending time with her while she has been here!! She leaves tomorrow which sucks but it's been amazing so I can't really complain.

It's hard for me to lie here and think about what I have been doing because it is so normal now for me. It's kind of amazing what can become normal. I feel normal yet I still can't stand for more than 3 minutes without feeling like I ran a marathon.

Who is normal though??

Friday, 11 November 2011

The Fight

One day this shall all be over but until then... just keep on fighting it.

It's hard. I will never be able to say it isn't. This week is testament to that. It was supposed to be my easy week and just no. It was not, at all. I wish I could just fast forward the next year but hey! Life isn't like that.

You get your ups, you get your downs. My life has been pretty easy. I can't believe the things I used to complain about. They seem so silly. So pathetic. Even now there are so many people who have it so much harder than me.

I tried to make a wish today as it was 11:11 on the 11/11/11. I ended up just being thankful for all the things that I have in my life. I can't tell you my wish but it wasn't for me. It never will be.

Don't get me wrong, I wish more than anything that I was a normal teenager, I wish I never had to go through any of this. I wish I didn't grow up so fast. I wish I could have the wild summer that I had planned.

But I still have my family, my friends and I am going to come through this fine. There are those who sit through this but on the side lines like my brother. Who see how much it hurts me and can do nothing but be there, Who would give anything to be in my place but can't.

Then imagine if I didn't make it. I don't even like to think about what it would do to my family. I can only begin to imagine the pain those poor families feel who loose their kids or sisters or parents to it.

So this is my fight. I will fight as hard as i possibly can because I never want to hurt you.

Wednesday, 2 November 2011


As I was roaming the internet tonight trying to coax sleep closer. I found this amazing quote, and as most quotes with pretty pictures do, it got me thinking.

I like it. I really do. It's soo simple yet it's just so true, yet it's kinda easy to forget. Everyone is surrounded by soo much crap and sometimes its piled so high its just hard to see over.

I will be the first person to say chemo is crap. I would hate it but that would involve physically having enough strength to hate it, and as I don't have much energy, no chance am I wasting my hate on chemo. But it does suck.

There are so many things that cancer has stolen from me but you know what! Forget it! I am happy. Today I made it out of hospital, I had strawberries my grandma brought down from Hawkes Bay, I brought the new Florence + The Machine CD and I even ate a crunchie! Thats my day today, it may be pretty little things but hey! little is better than nothing. That's how I look at life.

It's how I have to look at life because the thing is, if i counted up the things that I couldn't do because I have cancer I would literally not be able to stop crying.