Monday, 16 July 2012

A Confused Working Girl

Today I officially became a working girl!! Or a volunteering girl. I have come to the end of my constant lunching and brunching. This however is amazing. I am volunteering at the Plimmerton School library helping out the lovely librarian Fiona with anything and everything.

It feels amazing to be useful again. It also makes the time when you are not working feel more like downtime making it more special. I also went for my first trip to the Porirua pool today. I managed to swim a measly six lengths before retiring to the spa but as the weather was so grot outside the spa was actually rather lovely!

I have been keeping myself busy and I am sure annoying my friends to the brink of insanity. It was interesting because one night I was at a mates flat and some guy who I hardly know said to me "Why do you always talk about cancer? It's over and it's kinda depressing that you always talk about it."

These weren't his actual words but just the general gist of what he was asking me. It got me thinking, do I talk about cancer too much?  Am I obsessed? Is it really over??? I asked two of my friends if they thought I talked about it to much. One said yes, one said no.

I don't think I am obsessed and I think maybe it is over for everyone else but not for me. I also realized that this is what I have done for the past year. It's such a big part of my life. Everything in my life for the past year has centered around it but what to do? 

I don't want people to feel uncomfortable around me by talking about cancer all the time but I still want people to feel comfortable to ask questions if they want. I think maybe it's just time will mean it will be less of a presence in my life and more things will take center stage. 

Becoming a working girl is just another step to becoming normal again.

Thursday, 5 July 2012

A Happy Freak

So life is better than amazing right now. I have been having the most amazing last couple of weeks! Last week most of my friends came back to Wellington. I was busy morning til night and then early hours of the dawn. Dad almost killed me when he got my food bill for last week alone. I am lucky he loves me so.

Right now, I am writing from my lovely room in the goregous Sea Temple hotel in Port Douglas. Mum and Dad really pushed the boat out and this place is FANCY!! I feel properly spoiled! It's a poolside apartment which is swim-in swim-out!

This is the deck from our apartment! 

As you probably can tell I am incredibly white. I was almost translucent when I got here but hopefully it is slowly going. What it means is I have to be onto it with the sunblock. No more cancer for me. Hopefully! 

It's been a bit strange going out so much. I forgot a bit how different I look to everyone else. It's funny because I quite often catch people staring and I always wonder what I look like to someone who doesn't know. Do I still look sick? 

I would have thought that I wouldn't still feel like the sick kid but I do. It's not so much sick but invalid. My leg feels different. It's like it knows that their is something foreign in it, something not right. It just doesn't want to work as well as it did.

It doesn't stop me acting like a teenager again. I went to a party on Friday and Saturday and it was amazing because I managed to stand for long periods and even dance!! I think the fact that I was rather intoxicated helped me not notice!! 

Last week though I even managed to go shopping with my friend I managed to walk for 45 mins as well as try on clothes!! And I managed to find a dress which made me feel pretty which is really rather hard. 
My pretty!!

As much as I  try to pretend it doesn't bother me, my appearance really is something which depresses me. I look so abnormal and at eighteen your appearance is a big part of who you are. My appearances have changed and its hard because it means every time I look in the mirror I am reminded that I am a freak. Different. 

But to be fair, I am a happy freak. I am healthy and I am lapping up the sun in Port Douglas! I am even going to visit some crocodiles and some snakes tomorrow and if I am really lucky I might even get to cuddle a koala! I am a happy freak, a happy freak I am.