I have not exactly had the best couple of weeks. Last I wrote on here, maja had just brought me Hugo while she was down south with her friends for her birthday. The next day (the day before I was due to be readmitted anyway) I ended up going back into hospital because I was generally very unwell.
I really couldn’t eat much. Anything I tried to eat I would vomit or it would end up coming out in some lovely diarrhea so I really wasn’t getting any nutrients in. I really do put my parents through hell sometimes.
Now I have to quote my Dad about what happened because unfortunately I have no recollection of the next events.
“On Wednesday night just after Tom left for the night Harriet was found unconscious and unrousable by a nurse seeing her roommate. They called the crash team and she came around slowly. She had had a convulsion, not witnessed so we dont know how long for. She had a CT scan of her head overnight that was normal but she has ecg abnormalities and low potassium and other electrolytes. She was transferred to the coronary care unit for monitoring. She was quite out of it overnight and her brain has not been functioning well since, but at least she doesn't remember anything.”
And I really can’t remember anything much from last Wednesday as my friends Sophie and Ollie discovered last night when I couldn’t even really remember them coming to visit on Friday but everything is getting better.
My Oncologist Anne has decided that it is too dangerous to continue with Chemo so chemo is all over. I still have to come in at least once a week for a while and do tests and stuff and apparently next week I could be quite sick because I am coming off all my drugs which my body has got so used to.
It was interesting talking to Mum today because we were talking about all my medications, especially one called cyclizine which I did not know but when it is given through the IV line can be addictive. I really hate the idea that I could be addicted to something but I do wonder if I was just a little.
I know I like it because it is what works best. I can have three different forms of pills and then half an hour later hopefully I will feel better or I can have cyclizine and five minutes later I feel better. It really does work very well and that’s great because up until now all I have cared about is not vomiting, feeling functional and all that.
It is scary though how easily it could happen though, to be fair if my mum had told me cyclizine could be addictive I probably would have just stopped taking it because I hate the idea that I could become dependent on something.
It show’s how easy it would be to become dependent on all these things. I thought and still do think I like cyclizine because it works so well but what if I am wrong??
I am very happy because I am now going to be sort of finished chemo. It’s going to take me about another month to 2 months to feel normal again but I can handle that. What’s two months in the grand scheme of things??
It’s weird because it sort of just stopped. I still thought I had another month and a half of chemo to go and now I am sort of reeling. I want to say it’s an amazing feeling and it is but there is just that feeling of it being too good to be true.
I’m done but now what? I actually have no clue. I have spent the past 8 months geared towards getting to this point but now what?? I am in this sort of limbo because I am not better but I am not having chemo anymore.
Anyway I thought I would leave you with some food for thought. I know I have avoided eating hospital food for the last 8 months by getting family & friends to bring me a constant supply and the picture can’t really leave you with a proper impression of the smell but would you feed your dog this?