Today I officially became a working girl!! Or a volunteering girl. I have come to the end of my constant lunching and brunching. This however is amazing. I am volunteering at the Plimmerton School library helping out the lovely librarian Fiona with anything and everything.
It feels amazing to be useful again. It also makes the time when you are not working feel more like downtime making it more special. I also went for my first trip to the Porirua pool today. I managed to swim a measly six lengths before retiring to the spa but as the weather was so grot outside the spa was actually rather lovely!
I have been keeping myself busy and I am sure annoying my friends to the brink of insanity. It was interesting because one night I was at a mates flat and some guy who I hardly know said to me "Why do you always talk about cancer? It's over and it's kinda depressing that you always talk about it."
These weren't his actual words but just the general gist of what he was asking me. It got me thinking, do I talk about cancer too much? Am I obsessed? Is it really over??? I asked two of my friends if they thought I talked about it to much. One said yes, one said no.
I don't think I am obsessed and I think maybe it is over for everyone else but not for me. I also realized that this is what I have done for the past year. It's such a big part of my life. Everything in my life for the past year has centered around it but what to do?
I don't want people to feel uncomfortable around me by talking about cancer all the time but I still want people to feel comfortable to ask questions if they want. I think maybe it's just time will mean it will be less of a presence in my life and more things will take center stage.
Becoming a working girl is just another step to becoming normal again.
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Hey Harriet, I was reading this and thinking that while I've never had cancer and can't even begin to pretend I understand what you've been through, I think I can relate with the "do I talk about this too much feeling." I live with several chronic autoimmune disorders, and there have been periods in my life where it feels like I think and subsequently talk about nothing else. I used to work in mental health, and at times the same things happens there - for a while the illness, whether it be physical or mental, becomes your whole world. I just wanted to say, don't worry about it too much - in my experience it really is a case not of talking less about the illness, but talking more about other things, which will come as the other things, such as the new job (go you!) become more prominent. Try not to worry too much bout what other people say about it - they will have their obsession topics too, whether it be an illness, a guy they like or whatever, and to everyone else it will seem like they talk too much about it, but friends are willing to listen anyway :-) Sorry for the excessively long comment :P
ReplyDeleteHi Harriet-great to see you doing so well and lovely to have had you over on a number of occasions to our house. Keep well and go for it! Am keeping an eye on Cameron in Afghanistan
ReplyDeleteregards
Allan Probert