Making 20

I'm going to make it to 20, I actually am going to turn 20! Monday is so close now! I can almost smell it. At the beginning of the year I was told I only had six months to live, I wondered whether I would get to see Tom turn 18 I didn't even think I could make it to my own 20th!

It simply makes me smile to think that this is not the end of me, not yet. I have a bit more life in me, a few more memories to make yet. Who knows what I have left to do. Life will never be perfect so it's important to appreciate moments and milestones and this may be one of the happiest milestones I have ever reached.

I have already had some amazing birthday treats and it's not even my birthday yet. I just have the best friends a girl could ask for. 

Sometimes I love my life, because just in case you missed it, I'm still alive!!!!

The Results Show

I'm not sure how to write this really because yesterday I went to the hospital and I had both good news and bad. I guess I should start with the good news. 

Last time when I talked to Anne I thought she was talking about maybe needing radiation to be able to keep my voice. Luckily what she was saying involves a lot of if's (which I didn't realize) and I do not have those if's. The tumors are only in my lungs not anywhere else. 

Now the not so good news. My naughty little tumors aren't so little anymore. They have grown quite a bit since my last x-ray. The biggest one is 2 - 3 inches in diameter and there are more than 12 others one which are of a significant size.  They seem to be growing quicker as well but I will see more in 2 months when I have my next scans.

So on the plus side I don't have to have radiation which is what I was really worried about. I love being a student and having fun. Radiation would have made me so tired. It would have sucked. I wish the tumors were still littler because we are still only talking about months.

But who knows, according the first prognosis I was given six months to live and I am sitting on six months. I have lots to look forward to! It's my birthday in less than 20 days which is so exciting!! I never thought I would turn 20!! I am going to the Beyonce concert with Dad and Tom. I even have my hall ball.

Sometimes when I feel sad I just remember what I good life I have and it helps me. I honestly have had one of the best lives and I fully intend to keep enjoying it. 

Bring on being 20!!

Highs & Lows

Somebody once told me that the hardship that we experience in our life makes the us appreciate the good times even more. In most respects this is true but living through the lows still suck.

The last two weeks have been a roller coaster. Last week I went to Bali with my family! I had one of the best weeks of my life. I had the most awful cold when I went over there so there was lots of laying by the pool and eating scrumptious food while getting better. I even flew over business class. The whole trip was rather swellegant! It was a wonderful week away with three of my favorite people in the world!

Sadly to my high there must be a low. While I was away my Nana passed away. My Nana was a pretty spectacular person. During a youth she was a dancer and went around and entertained the troops during  the war. When she stopped dancing she decided to take up athletics and she competed all around the world. 

More importantly she was such a nice person. My Nana is not my biological Nana she is Pam's mum (Pam was my nanny for six years) Nana simply decided to adopt me as grandchild. For six years I would spend at least one afternoon a week with my wonderful Nana and Granddad. Nana was always trying to make you fat with delicious home cooked sweets and even when you simply couldn't have any more she would be wrapping up a little take away bag. She was one of the strongest people I have ever known. 

She was so determined and threw herself into everything with an absolute passion. I'm proud to be her granddaughter and I will miss her greatly. 

Tomorrow I will borrow a little of the strength that she instilled in me and face up to my tests with a smile. No matter what the outcome I can get through it. I can do it. 

Tomorrow I have to have a CT scan to see whether I will need radiation. One of the tumors may be too close to my vocal chords and I may need to have some palliative radiation to be able to keep my voice. 

My life is not an easy one but it is mine. I sometimes think I would love to trade lives with anyone but I wouldn't. I wish that I didn't have cancer but if I wasn't me then I wouldn't have all these amazing people in my life. My life may not be easy but it is one full of love and for that I am thankful.

Our Villa In Bali

 What I return home to!! 

 My wonderful Nana

RIP To my wonderful Nana & Granddad