Tomorrow Is Always Better

The morning of the surgery I awoke with my family and surgeons around me. My family was giving me words of encouragement. The surgeons were trying to make sure I understood the procedure. In me there was a war raging as the nausea was battling with the feeling of "curling up like a baby and refusing to go”.

As I am now 18, I thought that this battle raging inside me was ridiculous, as I wanted this surgery to happen so I just smiled and nodded.

Luckily for me, I didn’t  have to do this for long since I was soon surrounded by bewildering blue creatures which probed me with needles (even one in my SPINE) and then BAM!!!! All went black.

9 Hours Later… 

Please Note before I start my explanation all surgeries had the same end goal, to remove the tumor.

The tumor was located in the bottom of my left femur. The surgeons when they got into surgery realized that the tumor in my femur was too large and if they saved the joint surface the minute I put weight on it, the joint would break so that was a bummer. Then they tried to put in the bone graph with the knee joint from another person BUT the bone graph did not fit with my leg properly. In the end I have a knee which is a mixture of metal, donor bone and my au natural bone. It’s a bit of a tight fit to have all three in there so lets hope the party doesn’t get to ruckus!

This new knee is awesome in the way that I might be able to put weight on my leg by January rather than November!!! This is an amazing advantage as it means that I can go and visit my friends around the world, wherever they are! But as with any replacement there are disadvantages.

One disadvantage of this surgery is that it is a partial knee replacement so there is metal within my knee so I am going to look like a fool with my pants on the ground (in airport security).

Another disadvantage of this surgery is that I will need another knee replacement in 10-20 years and I will always have to be careful and after that knee replacement I will have to have another one and then once that knee replacement has worn out I may have to get my leg amputated.

I have to live a careful life, this means no skiing, no running. I always will have to be careful of my weight. That’s perhaps is not such a bad thing, but I love food sooo much!!

Plus I hear scars are pretty impressive and help us get them boys. Who needs milkshakes?

Over the past couple of days I have been in a lot of pain as we have had some problems with the pain medication but finally we have sorted most of it out. I have been really lucky though because my whole family and Pan (my boyfriend) and Ollie (one of my seriously amazing friends) and my cousins (Sophie and Alice) and lots of other friends and family have visited me here in Auckland hospital.  

I went through a dark patch while my pain medication wasn't working.  I felt this huge weight was on my shoulders and I could see no way of ever getting past it but I was so lucky that Pan and Ollie were there reminding me I wasn't alone.

I would then think about 'The Hobbits' and it made things easier. I was going through a hazy consciousness and Pan and Ollie and my friends stuck with me through it reminding me that it would get better because things always do. 

Today with the physio I managed to walk one metre on a grandma walker to the seat but I MADE IT. It is getting better, I never thought it would but it is.

Lets see what tomorrow brings.

PS Thanks to everyone who sent flowers, chocolates, presents and cards! They are all so lovely and they mean a lot to me!