I found this photo while I was doing my nightly hunting on the internet and as you sometimes do you feel a connection with a photo or phrase and this one happened to catch mine and I wondered why.
I think it's because I seem to spend all of my time in hospital and all I want to do is go back to the time when life was easy, carefree. It's true, I may have partyed too much but the way I figure it is life is precious and I had no intention of wasting it.
I want to do so much but I physically can't. I can't even walk THREE HUNDRED metres without feeling like I have walked a marathon. It's so hard because I have been doing this for so long and I just cannot wait for it to be over.
I dream of the days when I can be like everyone else. When my parents yell at me for spending too much money or my brother gets pissed off because I keep on trying to offload my jobs onto me, where I am not a burden on my family.
They are amazing and never complain but I know it's soo hard on them because this has taken over their lives. It's not that I don't appreciate it because I do but I just wish that this had never happened to them. They are very good people.
It just show's how quickly life can change.
righto my dear, you have never partied too much- you are far too young (just ask your mothers friends who have partied some and more, but survived it even tho it drove their parents nuts). When you get through this- and you will, you'll party some more but always with the handbrake on at the right time- because unlike others who have never been through this and because you are not 50 plus and facing your body turning to crap in front of you (thinking 'shit- I should have looked after myself better' you will know just what constitutes a good time. You will have plenty of them, and Harriet- you will REALLY know what a good time is because you have experienced the utterly worst which is what you are going through right now. I have such admiration for your honesty and willingness to say what is and what is not working for you right now. You make a huge contribution to all- and that is something the average self absorbed 18 year old doesn't. You did not wish it to be so, but it is xxx
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