Not For Dog Treats

Mac the lovely man that he is had recognized I needed a break (or I am suspecting his lovely mother did) and took me away to Greytown to go stay in the very nice White Swan Inn. I even got a big three course meal and my bath ran for me!! 

After my two adventures gosh did I need a rest.  However the problem was when we get off the train in Masterton when we were supposed to be going to Greytown... not so good start to our wee getaway. However after sorting out that wee glitch by getting a taxi there we were fine.

The hotel was really nice, Mac was really nice, everything was really nice. 

We had such a nice time and it made me simply, happy. 

I hope you enjoy this picture of this FABULOUS man as much as I do :)

How To Have Fun Without A Dog

If you don't know this about me, I would probably say you don't know me very well. I am not very good at sitting still, EVER really but sometimes my body dictates especially now with this whole cancer thing that I must lie down.

Luckily the rest that is forced on by body is made better by having people to visit! It's literally been so wonderful so many friends have been spending such a huge time out in Paremata road. My friend Jess flew up simply to see me!

Luckily, this week I have had awesome events which have been able to distract me!! Philippa Boyens is honestly one of the kindest people I know. She is always so busy yet she found time to fit me in. from Phil, Fran and Katie coming to visit me in hospital before running off to premiere the movie in LA. I also got invited to go to the New Zealand Premiere with my friend Tessa (who again was up from christchurch to see me) we had the most wonderful night dressing up with the help of Sophie and Zoe. It was such a fun night and the movie is honestly so good. If anyone is tossing up going, just go. It's awesome!

The whole Hobbit cast has been so wonderful to me Richard Armitage wrote me such a wonderful email. He even said I was "you are such a wonderful, funny, thoughtful smart brave girl." which I must made my day that much better. He is such an amazing actor to not only think of me while busily promoting a movie but he also wrote me an email!

The very next day after I went to the Hobbit Premiere, I went to the Governor General's house for their christmas party! It is such a pretty place. Kate, Finn and Finn's mum Amanda got to meet the Governor General and his wife and son!

I remember saying at the beginning of blog that my life is surreal and judging by the last two days, it kind of is. My mother is worried I will turn into some Wellington socialite without realizing that I already am. It's always a hard question when people say to me "what do you do", my simplest and most truthful reply would be that 'I have fun' because that as shown by these two days is what I do!

I have had two of the best days of my life even without a dog!

 My awesome mother and father sending me off to the Hobbit

Zoe and Sophie who helped the lovely Tessa and I get ready

 Tessa and I red carpet ready

 AHHHHHH!!!! It's about to start!

 Kate and I outside Governor General's house

Survival Of The Fittest

I can't believe how quickly time flies! Two weeks ago I went to the Taylor Swift concert in Auckland thanks to the wonderful Katie who gave me her tickets! It was so much fun! I finally was coming out of the other side of my pneumonia, which was great but I was still quite tired and I wasn't allowed to fly and wasn't up to driving. Mac cannot drive which I think is completely ridiculous, he maintains that it is a very normal thing, it's not.

So my mother and my brother kindly offered to drive us up to Auckland. We stopped in Taupo on the way there and back and spent two days in Auckland! I had such a wonderful time up there because we booked so late we ended up staying in the sky city!

It was so nice and really central! We arrived on the Friday afternoon and I promptly did what I do best and I had a nap then I woke up and demanded food so Mac went down to Elliot Sables and got us some very yummy pizza which I sat on the hotel bed eating watching cartoons.

Mother and Father suggested that I not go to the opening act to conserve my energy but it was 7 and I was ready and way to excited to sit still for a moment longer so we jumped in a cab and went down to Vector Arena. I managed to see my friend Lucy while getting drinks then do that silly wee dance you do while you sit down to Neon Tree's.

We had really good seats but poor Mac felt like he was a little bit of a fish out of water as most of the audience were young girls (and some young boys) and their parents. Sadly at 6 foot 3 there is no way really to hide him but I think he felt better when this fabulously gay man came and sat next to us. He was in his early 30's and came by himself because none of his friends would go with him. He knew every word to every song. His smile alone made my night.

It was such a good concert. She had amazing dancers and her stage was one of the most amazing ones I have ever seen! It was such a good night. I managed to do some awesome chair grooving (I managed to stand for a few songs but I would run out of breath pretty quickly.)

I spent all of saturday seeing my friends! I met up with my friend Claudia for brunch and we went to Depot which is the Al Brown restaurant! It was so delicious and it's always awesome seeing Clauds! I then spend the whole afternoon with some of my amazing friends from Boulcott (two of which drove up from Hamilton to see me!!) down in Britomart.

I then went and had a rest back at the hotel until my friend Josh came!! Josh has been in the Navy for the last couple of months in training to become and officer (from which he graduated and got a leadership award, could not be prouder of this amazing man. He is a seriously wonderful boy!) and went for dinner with him!

I even managed to get a drink with Chloe and Alex and Bex who were up in Auckland for the concert. I was so proud of how much I was able to do. My friends really do mean the world to me and to be able to see them and catch up was awesome!

It was such an amazing weekend and it was really nice considering how sick I had been it showed me how much I had got better which was so nice. After spending two weeks bedridden it was nice to have a change of scenery and see people who are so important to me that I never thought I would see again.

It's strange the things life throws in your face, the good and the bad and this weekend was certainly such a good time!!!

 We had such amazing seats

 Cheeky Selfie before the show

 Lunch with Claudia At Depot

Some of my wonderful from Boulcott

Project Cute

I don't quite know how to start this blog post as it has been so long since I last did one. Well not really so long but so much has happened. I should have written more but I was too sick or otherwise occupied so I just wrote quick Facebook updates which at the time seemed to be easier than trying to write a whole blog. This means that there is a big chunk of my story that is missing. So I guess this is me filling in all that has happened.

I ended up getting really sick. I mean really sick as had to go into hospital. I had Pneumonia and if anything was going to kill me that is what would kill me. Also my lungs constantly were filling up with fluid. It was so painful and I must admit at one point I did wish I was not alive anymore. It hurt too much. It was a life that wasn't worth living anymore.

I was left on IV antibiotics and told that I simply must get better. I think she must have sensed that I needed it but little to my knowledge my friend Rebekah had been running around for weeks creating a video to remind me how much I am loved.

It could not have come at a better time I was feeling beaten, like this was it. My friends and family as always came through for me showing simply how much they cared and were able to have many a laugh at my expense.

It was held at Queen Margarets and so many people helped out and put on this amazing spread. I literally hobbled quickly. Making a B-line for the nearest seat. I was soo sick, I was sort of passed from one person's arms to the next pretending that I was keeping it together while struggling not to pass out from exhaustion and lack of oxygen.

That all changed, I managed to sit down and with every minute I could not help but laugh, cry and cringe!! It reminded me why I had to beat this, and I did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69kQMzIwht0

Thank you so much to Rebekah and everyone who put so much effort into this film. I loved it in every single way.

Some of the beautiful friends who came!

Mac (My boyfriend!! Still not used to calling him that!) and I

The one girl who made this whole video. I could not ask for a more amazing friend. She is simply spectacular.

The Problem With Exponential Growth

The problem with cancer is the tumours and these problems like tears in the lungs don't tend to go away. They tend to get worse. I cannot believe quite how sick I have got in such a short space in time.   I have officially had to move out of Boulcott and am definitely regressing back towards baby state.

I have this awful cough which makes me feel like my lungs want to be on the outside of my body rather than on the inside where they are supposed to be. I also can't eat very much anymore which also depletes the amount of energy I generally have to. The painkillers make my mind a little more foggy.  So yeah, I spend most of my days in bed!! I have found this magical thing called Lonely (The lonely hearts bra range) and they do these amazing bras that don't have underwire so I can sleep in the m and they are comfortable!! So I am far more happy about this than I should be!!! I don't have to get dressed every time I hop into bed. You know you are getting sick when this is an achievement. 

Then you have days like yesterday when I had a migraine and unlike a migraine taking one day to sort of fix itself up, I still am feeling it a little bit which such but it must go away because tonight I am going to One Republic concert with my friend Danielle. 

When I used to say rest I meant that I would not do much walking but now I mean rest, I have not left the couch or except to pee or shower. I am napping/in full on cat mode getting ready for tonight.

But I'm lucky there has been loads of good things that have been happening in my life, not just the fact that my friends from out of town have come back or my friend Gilly has the most gorgeous puppy Kelly!! Or the fact that my parents have agreed that I get to dog sit a dog during the day!!!

But my friend, who i guess isn't my friend anymore decided to ask me out!!! This is super and ultra exciting because I may have had a crush on him for quite a long time and he's one of my best mates so it's like do I say anything... Luckily I didn't coz he felt the same way!!! :) Oh right, his name is Mac and he went to Wellington College and then did a GAP year with Bex and everyone so he lives in wellington too! Soo that's all very exciting!! Secretly, I really like this one, he's pretty awesome! Though awkwardly we don't have any pictures together! I will have to get some!

My friend Katie also couldn't go to Taylor Swift so she gave me two tickets so guess who is getting a super exciting date weekend up to Auckland on the 29th... I know you do have my permission to feel sorry for him now but I promise I'm not mean to him all the time, just a lot of it! 

So my health isn't great, I don't know how much longer I have but I still have many thing which make me happy! ONE REPUBLIC TONIGHT! Aren't I lucky?

Anthony and I at Brokeback Mountain

Cuddles With Kelly 

The Great & The Miserable

Sorry it's been so long since I wrote on here. Life has been moving quickly! I have almost not stopped moving! I am one of those people who get bored very easily. I love to keep moving! I love to be doing things and I'm so lucky that in the last six weeks that is basically all I have been doing! It's been crazy and I have loved it!

In the last six weeks I have had my hall ball which was amazing! It was held at Te Papa and it was such a good night dancing with all my amazing Boulcott kids! I had the most amazing dress however I don't think dad really approved because when he saw it he asked me if Miley Cyrus picked it out...

I went down to Dunedin to visit all my friends, it was a pretty spectacular week filled with much lunching and brunching and little bit of partying! I even managed to fit in a wonderful trip to the butterfly exhibit and a quick cuddle with my uncles gorgeous dogs!

I went to Beyonce in Auckland which was amazing!! She is such a superstar! Tom who doesn't even like her music had to admit that it was amazing and one of the best concerts that he has ever seen. I may have over exaggerated it when I said "the best concert he has ever seen" but it was "good" and that's about as much as you will ever get him to admit. I think he secretly will now be singing Beyonce in the shower when he thinks we can't hear him! Dad was more loving of her. I was well... my normal diva.

I even went to Park Road Post Production and got to see the Hobbit being made into the wonderful film it is going to be!! I am sooo excited to see the whole thing but as per usual I can tell you nothing apart from Phillipa is truly one of the most amazing woman I have had the pleasure of meeting!

I have also had Boulcott's end of year events as we have to move out on the 16th of November!! :( Everyone is now moving into exams which is CRAZY! I'm obviously studying hard! I am lucky to have lived here though! I have meet some of the most amazing people and I'm so happy that they are in my life! It's such a cool place to live and I absolutely love it!

I have attempted to bake, watched dearest Simon play rugby, I have driven to Hawkes Bay and Levin to spend time with my grandparents, I have watched many movies, I have caught up with old friends, made new friends, I have been to plays, a wonderful musical where Anya beguiled the audience, I have had more brunches, lunches, coffees, dinners, afternoon tea (and any other word you can describe a catch up revolving around food) than I care to admit! Life has been amazing!

Now for the miserable side of this blog.

I have a little tear in my lung and it's bleeding. This is about as much fun as it sounds. I am on some very nice painkillers to get rid of the pain but there is not much they can really do apart from hope it fixes itself or maybe a small round of steroids.

It's making me really tired, it's soo annoying as I still want to do so much but I have to take it easy and not stress my body out too much which I am not very good at doing. So I have my fingers crossed that it will get better but I guess we always knew this was coming. There isn't much that I can do about it so I try to not worry about it. That's not always possible but I can try my best.

"The thing about pain is that it demands to be felt", my dear John Green I wish this wasn't the case but like most things he wrote about when he wrote 'The Fault In Our Stars' he is right. Pain sucks and as much as you try to ignore it, it is there. I'm simply lucky I have such wonderful distractions.

Not puppy level of distraction but good ones all the same.

Dunedin Beach Walks

 Dinners Galore

 Making Sophie into my Ghetto Flower

 Ball Night With Eddy & Simon

 Boulcott Bingo Night

 My amazing floor 

 The Wonderful Tessa

We 'B' sad to leave Boulcott 

Mood Swings

The sadness creeps up slowly, sometimes it seems to disappear entirely but there is always this smidge of sadness which I can't properly shake. I wish I could but the truth is I am sad, don't get me wrong I am happy too but I am sad. Augustus said it right when he said "the marks humans leave are too often scars."

Everywhere I seem to look now I seem to be leaving scars and I hate it. I don't want to cause people pain but I don't know how to stop it. 

 I have reached that point in hyper exhaustion where my mood swings are involuntary and often uncontrollable. I will get angry for a very small, almost non-existant reason and then feel like crying then have fits of uncontrollable laughter. 

It is messing with my head. I have never had this little control over my emotions and it scares me. On the plus side I haven't been able to stop eating the past couple of days which may mean that I truly do end up in the plus side of life. 

Life moves on and it continues to move forward and I have so much to look forward to. I simply wish I had more control, more time, more puppy, more everything really. 

Especially more puppy. 

That would be nice. 

Red Panda's too!!

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

This title is rather overdramatic which I sometime fear is a word should be applied to me. Overdramatic Harriet. Sometimes I am too. Earlier in the year I fell over and I was certain that I had broken my foot and told everyone so, I hadn't. I am still embarrassed to this day what a drama queen I was about it.
But most of the time I like to think I am not.

I have been having a ridiculous amount of fun. I turned 20!! I actually did it!! I'm 20! This is a huge milestone and I have spent the last two weeks celebrating it. My parents have dubbed it my birthday festival as I have been so spoiled and been having soo much fun with the most wondrous people!

I think I should defiantly turn 20 more often. I would recommend it to anyone. It has been the best birthday I have ever had! Jannie even flew in from Zurich to come and celebrate with me and so many wonderful people flew in from all over the country to spend the day with me. So much delicious food and wonderful people and copious amount of alcohol. What more could you want?

But like everything you can't have the highs without the lows. Two days ago I felt a sharp pain in the back side of my ribcage every time I breathed in. I told myself that I had just pulled a muscle with all my vigorous dancing but on Sunday night I decided that I couldn't really ignore it anymore and I sent an email with Anne.

She replied quickly on Monday morning telling me that it was important that I call her and arrange an appointment. I awoke to a call from Sophie asking what I was doing as she was on her way over and was I out of bed yet (I had to confess that her call had woken me, she just laughed and told me to get in the shower and playfully reminded me most people would be waking up when the clock still read AM).

Instead of having a showering like Sophie suggested I decided to read my emails to see if Anne had emailed. She had so I called her and she said that it was important that I come in and we check out what is going on. So, as per usual, when Sophie showed up I was still in my pj's and she had to run me through the motions of getting ready. I was being rather toddler like as even though the rational part of me knew I should go, I really didn't want to.

With the help of Sophie and Tessa they finally got me into Will's car. Will had very luckily decided to bring his dog Molly along for the ride which left me completely and utterly smitten as Molly and I cuddled all the way to the hospital. I cannot describe how gorgeous she is.

When I got to the hospital I started to get nervous again but as anyone knows in hospitals there is a lot of waiting around. I went and got an x-ray and managed to see Anne's registrar before they had only done one x-ray rather than two so I had to go and get another one done. Luckily, I had Sophie with me who is rather excellent company and continuously made me laugh.

However both scans showed nothing so then they became worried that I might have a blood clot in my lungs and they got very worried, words were being thrown around like clexane injections which are better known as rat poison. At this point I decided I should tell mum that I was in hospital.

After much grumbling and being a fraidy-cat (all on my part) a nurse was able to get a line in and I headed down get a CT scan. I even got a ride on a bed as they were so worried with mum and Soph chuckling all the way, making many a princess Harriet jokes.

Luckily, the CT scan showed that I have no clots so yay! No rat poison for me!!! One of my little tumors has decided to get a little infection around it and attach itself to my lung lining which is what is causing the pain. Rather annoying. So hopefully I will be able to take antibiotics for a week and it shall go away. I have an appointment with Anne next week, if it isn't better by then I will cross that bridge when I get there.

What's been more scary rather than the hospital visit is the pain. It makes everything so much more real. Like I do understand what is happening to me but most of the time I can ignore it and try to live my life and be as happy as I can be but when you feel pain every time you breathe, it's right there, staring you in the face. There is no way around this, I am dying.

There is not that much time left for me. I don't mean this in the sense that I am dying as we speak but I mean I don't have years, I have months. One thing that I do is every time I see people whom I love I try to tell them that I love you because I don't know how much more I will be able to tell them that.

If this week has shown me anything it's that I have so many people whom I love and who love me and I am going to try to tell them so much as possible.

Because I do

Always have, Always will.

 The Wonderful Jess flew from Dunedin for my birthday

The spectacular Sophie who looks after me!

Pizza dinner with a few friends on my birthday

 My surprise birthday dinner with wonderful friends

 Boulcott Gatsby Party

I may or may not have picked the theme so I could wear the dress again.... 

 I may have missed Tessa slightly

 Quick trip to hospital with Sophe

 But luckily this pup was around for cuddles! 

Sadly, this puppy is my granddads. 

I haven't got a puppy.

Yet. 

Making 20

I'm going to make it to 20, I actually am going to turn 20! Monday is so close now! I can almost smell it. At the beginning of the year I was told I only had six months to live, I wondered whether I would get to see Tom turn 18 I didn't even think I could make it to my own 20th!

It simply makes me smile to think that this is not the end of me, not yet. I have a bit more life in me, a few more memories to make yet. Who knows what I have left to do. Life will never be perfect so it's important to appreciate moments and milestones and this may be one of the happiest milestones I have ever reached.

I have already had some amazing birthday treats and it's not even my birthday yet. I just have the best friends a girl could ask for. 

Sometimes I love my life, because just in case you missed it, I'm still alive!!!!

The Results Show

I'm not sure how to write this really because yesterday I went to the hospital and I had both good news and bad. I guess I should start with the good news. 

Last time when I talked to Anne I thought she was talking about maybe needing radiation to be able to keep my voice. Luckily what she was saying involves a lot of if's (which I didn't realize) and I do not have those if's. The tumors are only in my lungs not anywhere else. 

Now the not so good news. My naughty little tumors aren't so little anymore. They have grown quite a bit since my last x-ray. The biggest one is 2 - 3 inches in diameter and there are more than 12 others one which are of a significant size.  They seem to be growing quicker as well but I will see more in 2 months when I have my next scans.

So on the plus side I don't have to have radiation which is what I was really worried about. I love being a student and having fun. Radiation would have made me so tired. It would have sucked. I wish the tumors were still littler because we are still only talking about months.

But who knows, according the first prognosis I was given six months to live and I am sitting on six months. I have lots to look forward to! It's my birthday in less than 20 days which is so exciting!! I never thought I would turn 20!! I am going to the Beyonce concert with Dad and Tom. I even have my hall ball.

Sometimes when I feel sad I just remember what I good life I have and it helps me. I honestly have had one of the best lives and I fully intend to keep enjoying it. 

Bring on being 20!!

Highs & Lows

Somebody once told me that the hardship that we experience in our life makes the us appreciate the good times even more. In most respects this is true but living through the lows still suck.

The last two weeks have been a roller coaster. Last week I went to Bali with my family! I had one of the best weeks of my life. I had the most awful cold when I went over there so there was lots of laying by the pool and eating scrumptious food while getting better. I even flew over business class. The whole trip was rather swellegant! It was a wonderful week away with three of my favorite people in the world!

Sadly to my high there must be a low. While I was away my Nana passed away. My Nana was a pretty spectacular person. During a youth she was a dancer and went around and entertained the troops during  the war. When she stopped dancing she decided to take up athletics and she competed all around the world. 

More importantly she was such a nice person. My Nana is not my biological Nana she is Pam's mum (Pam was my nanny for six years) Nana simply decided to adopt me as grandchild. For six years I would spend at least one afternoon a week with my wonderful Nana and Granddad. Nana was always trying to make you fat with delicious home cooked sweets and even when you simply couldn't have any more she would be wrapping up a little take away bag. She was one of the strongest people I have ever known. 

She was so determined and threw herself into everything with an absolute passion. I'm proud to be her granddaughter and I will miss her greatly. 

Tomorrow I will borrow a little of the strength that she instilled in me and face up to my tests with a smile. No matter what the outcome I can get through it. I can do it. 

Tomorrow I have to have a CT scan to see whether I will need radiation. One of the tumors may be too close to my vocal chords and I may need to have some palliative radiation to be able to keep my voice. 

My life is not an easy one but it is mine. I sometimes think I would love to trade lives with anyone but I wouldn't. I wish that I didn't have cancer but if I wasn't me then I wouldn't have all these amazing people in my life. My life may not be easy but it is one full of love and for that I am thankful.

Our Villa In Bali

 What I return home to!! 

 My wonderful Nana

RIP To my wonderful Nana & Granddad

Arvo La Dolce Vita

Tom, my brother, eighteen?? This doesn't seem possible. Just a few short months ago I was not even sure I was going to be alive let alone healthy and happy! 

The six-month deadline is sneaking closer and closer yet somehow I am still alive and kicking. I blame my family and friends from making my life so wonderful. How am I meant to die when my life is so unbelievably amazing?

The last month has been crazily busy but in the best possible way!!

I have flown down to Wanaka and spent a week with the wonderful Zoe and Jackie. We had the most wonderful week of rest and relaxation and managed to munch through copious amounts of scrumptious food.

Not only did I have all my family come for a weekend I also had my room-mate (from Contiki) and another friend fly down and spend a week with me!! It was so amazing to all be re-united again and spend time with them!

I even went with my friend Sophie to hold her hand while she got a tattoo though I think I ended up being more of a hindrance than a help as she was as cool as ice while I was having mild panic attacks and she was the one getting the tattoo!!!

I even got to go to the premiere of 'The World's End' and walked the red carpet. Yes, you did read that right!!! It was actually such a wonderful night!! Bex and I were invited by the lovely Philippa to go with her to the premiere which was a fabulous excuse to get another lovely dress!! 

It was so cool! We got to meet so many amazing people and see a side-splittingly hilarious film! It was a rather surreal experience because nights like that don't happen to people like me!! It was one of the most magical nights of my life. 

I am so healthy I am actually able to plan things in the not-so-distant future like next week I am going to Bali, I am going to Beyonce on the 19th of October and I am even able to start planning what I am going to do for my birthday!!! I am planning on turning 20!!! NB It's on the 26th of August. Just in case you want to start planning my present!

AHHHH! It's all ever so exciting! I am also still able to live in the hall and go to university and participate in re o-week events even if Vic Uni puts on the most pathetic re o-week events! 

Life is simply swell!!

Zoe & I in Wanaka

 Cousins

 Being Cliched Tourists!

Every single one of those cups is filled with confetti

Problem: When you pick up the cup the confetti goes everywhere!!

The lovely Philippa & I before we head off to the premiere

Bex and I all ready to go!

 Benedict Cumberbatch & I

 Richard Armitage & I