The Life Of An Addict

I had a brain wave this morning. This does not happen often but it was so obvious it has been crazy. I have finally managed to completely stop taking all morphine which is so nice because it means that the pain is getting less and less.

I realized this morning that the reason I have been feeling so sick is because I have been feeling the symptoms of withdrawal. I stopped taking morphine on Sunday and I was thinking that it's quite odd because I have been feeling rather sick and horrible, getting chills and sweats, diarrhea, insomnia and odd random shooting pains.

I contributed everything to the fact that chemo had been so horrible but normally by this point the only residual effect I have from chemo is less energy. It sucks so much because I have to feel sick still. I actually ate soo much food on Thursday when I got the good news I made myself sick!!! Mum was out at a work dinner so poor Pan and my friend Kate had to clean it up. They are seriously such good friends and I owe them BIG TIME!!!

I am excited because Dad and Tom are coming home tomorrow!!! It may sound odd but things like this really show you what matter in life. In some ways I am lucky to have had an experience which has opened my eyes so much. I used to complain about my family like every teenager I know.

"Mum won't get me this." "Dad said I can't go to that" but you know what? I am so lucky I actually have such an amazing family. Poor mum has had to run around after me like a house elf because I haven't been able to do much and she is so lovely like she doesn't even complain.

On the topic of lucky, I have officially dated Pan for  5 months today which is pretty impressive considering he asked out a girl who he knew had cancer. He is the stuff of legends, he literally is so amazing to me. He helps me out with anything and is always there. He even lets his brother and I stick on a beautiful temporary tattoo that was a pick heart made out of flowers.

So... I may be an addict but at least I am a lucky one.